Shouting Into The Void

Recently I've been having some difficulty in life generally for a number of reasons, none of which I'll be exploring online any time soon, which has left me desiring a place that I can get anything out, a place where I can scream into the void, or just sit and relish in my loneliness, or break a bunch of things in a room when there are no consequences. In movies, the protagonist will have a specific place where they "go to when [they're] feeling sad or lost in the world" (I don't know if that's a direct quote, but, frankly, it probably is). This place is usually tucked away from the electric buzz of everyday life - for example, in The DUFF, the main character has a large rock in a forest near her home that she can easily walk to in order to ponder life etc. However, in real life, it tends not to be that simple. Sure, there are people who live near an isolated (yet safe, I hope) place where they could simply sit and ponder, but they are lucky. For most of us, there aren't places near that are suitable for this kind of thing, or they may not allow it (loitering etc.). In my case, there is a public footpath near to my neighbourhood, however it is commonly used by cyclists, pooping dogs, and is often inhabited by some people from my old school, whom I'd rather prefer not to come across if I can help it. The library in my town doesn't have a table in the corner where people can sit to read or do homework, unlike the library in my last town, which was much more friendly and community-wise (the comparison just makes me feel more melancholy). The park, as per usual in most towns, is filled with small, screaming children, and teenagers who may or may not be dealing drugs, so that option is also vetoed. Personally, I feel too awkward to sit in coffee shops and take advantage of wifi or a sturdy table, especially in my town, where lots of tourists come through looking for the few cafes we have, which are all chain brands. Hence you can see that my options are incredibly limited in the "fortress of solitude" area (now that I know is a reference... finally I can get some concrete stuff in here). So, I try to find other ways of dealing with life and it's various challenges, which tend to be throwing myself into my work (well, my procrastination really) or simply surprising them by scrolling mindlessly through Instagram for hours on end. 

Sometimes, when I remember it's existence, this blog is my way of screaming into the void, due to next to no people actually seeing it, and no one giving any feedback, positive or otherwise. Yet, somehow, it doesn't quite give me the satisfaction that I crave when I spill my curious heart out into words. This may well be because words can't quite describe or justify what I feel; maybe I just haven't found my perfect word yet. It could also be due to the fact that I don't necessarily pride myself on my writing, especially when I tend to be writing these posts when I am in a completely different state of mind to my everyday. For some people, therapy or counselling (which are, apparently, different things, as I found out a few days ago. You learn something new everyday, I guess) are options, and can work wonders for some. For others, budget can limit the variety and quality of professionals available, distance and travel expenses are often huge factors too, or past experiences with counsellors or therapists can hinder one's move to find help again, among many other variables. Alternatively, one can talk to friends or family to seek advice or to have someone to rant at. Personally, I find this method particularly difficult, because I worry that I'll be rejected if I reach out to someone, or that I'll be a burden on their otherwise lovely day. This, of course, is rarely the case, and so many people actually do want to help in any way they can, whether that is just to be a person that can understand your troubles, or to give advice in that area. When I was younger, I didn't have anyone that I could go to because I didn't project myself enough at school, so was quite limited in the friends department (also, smart phones weren't really a thing, so I could only message my friends through email, which put a slight damper on on the atmosphere) - the advice to remedy which is another blog post altogether. Of course, there is usually family, immediate or otherwise, that you can turn to in times of trouble, though this may not be an option for many people.

If you are looking for somewhere to scream into the void, I would recommend this site:
http://screamintothevoid.com/
in which you can type out the rant of your pleasing before watching it be hurtled into space, never to be seen again. It's oddly freeing.

I'm honestly not sure what this has turned out to be, what with no underlying meaning nor an obvious closing statement. Well, see you next time, I guess...