Drama drama drama drama

I'm think I might post about MBM today, and maybe talk about friendships and frenemies. This girl, MBM, has been bullying me and my friends for over a year now, but still pretends that we are all each other's best friends! Last year, she told her family that my one of my friends (let's call her hamster) killed all of her hamsters (she had a hamster, it passed away, she got another hamster, it passed away etc. the shop she got them from had something wrong with their pets), she called me a bitch just because I didn't tell her my best friend's biggest secret in the whole wide world! She also made hamster 2.0 (another friend) cry the other day DURING OUR GEOGRAPHY LESSON! I know, I know, "Why don't you just stay away from her? It seems like she's really mean?". But, if we don't try to be her friend, she has no one. And, despite the fact she's making me and my friends upset and stressed, I can't do that to someone and then leave them with no friends. It's my own little moral dilemma. AND I DO NOT LIKE IT! It sucks having this sort of things happen in your life, because it's almost like a rhetorical question, it may never be answered. Do any of you have any troubles like this? Any friends you think you might have grown out of? Let me know in the comments below!

*UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE*
She is now trying to become friends with hamster again! Goodness, teenagers are difficult. I feel bad for our parents!

Stairs. That's it.

Stairs. Odd things, aren't they? You know that moment when you're walking up the stairs, and you think to yourself (without meaning to), "Oh, it's fine, it's just a normal trip up the stairs.". But no. Just as you think you're doing well, you trip or you miss a step or you think there's another step when there isn't. Sometimes, when we think we are doing well at something, we don't realise the small things. The things like, "Ok, my foot has got to go ABOVE this next step, or else I'll trip and hurt myself." After a while, we just think that we've done so well, we can't do anything wrong. We keep have such high expectations of ourselves and each other that we aim for the higher goals (getting a boyfriend) instead of the ones we know we can complete (not tripping on the stairs). In one little moment when you can think something's going to be great in life for a while, no panic attacks for a while, no friends being mean or stupid, no teachers getting angry, you can forget that there are still the small things you need to remember in order to aim higher. It's quite confusing, but it worked out in my head...

So the moral of this story is to remember the simple things in life. Like not falling down the stairs, for example. Just remember this as it gets up to the winter holidays and some things may not go the way you want them to. Have a good winter holiday xxxx

Panic attacks

Helloooo!
So today was not a good day. I got several red slips (notifications they give us at school if we haven't handed in homework), and got penalised by my teacher about it. And, to top it all off, I had a panic attack this afternoon. I was walking back from school and I was thinking my next counselling session on Thursday, and it just came along. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't see a thing. I had to walk to the side of the street and lean against a wall for about 2 minutes until it was all over. I hated this one especially because it was in public and because I was 3 weeks clear of having a panic attack! I've been trying to be a lot more happy about my decisions and my friends recently so panic attacks won't come along, but there have been a few annoying people (mostly a girl who I'll call MBM, I'll have to write a whole other post about that, I've got a lot to say about her) who have completely ruined my hopes of a panic-free month. Do you, my few readers, have any problems like this? Any panicky moments that you can't ever seem to explain? I'm always here for all of you, no matter who you are. Despite the fact I may be a bit odd, I still can give good and normal advice. Believe it or not, I have had quite a lot of experience in things to teenager should have to deal with.
If you read this, thank you. You have made me feel so much better :)
Thanks,
Anonymous Schanonoymous

Ill and homework

Hello! I'm ill this weekend and I might not be able to go into school tomorrow :( I know it's weird to want to go into school, especially on a Monday, but I get homework in every lesson on Mondays, and my friends are silly, so I never actually end up getting my homework assignments. I was ill last Monday as well, but this week I've just got a really crappy cold and a temperature. :( I don't like this.

On another topic, is anyone doing the #thelinesproject ? I know that I am. Search online for '#thelinesproject'. I am drawing 5 lines on my wrist: red, orange, yellow, blue, purple. I have a really good friend who has got to draw all seven and I really just want to tell her housemistress about it so they can help, but I know she'll never forgive me if I do. Are any of you thinking of doing it? It won't be embarrassing, think about it as a statement. You've gone through so much, but your still here! There's a video a watched recently of one of my favourite you tubers, Emma Blackery, performing her song 'The Promise' and she said a speech beforehand about her childhood and how she came about to write the song. And, in the middle, just when she's about to start singing the song, she says my favourite quote ever, the quote I have on my bedroom wall. The quote a have on a key ring. The quote I have as my phone lockscreen. "You may hate me, and you may wish I was dead, but I'm not going to give you the damn satisfaction." - Emma Blackery

Just clearing things up

So hello! I am the girl you are reading about! And I'm anonymous! Yyyyaaaayyyy! Just another girl who was inspired by Zoella! YAAAAAYYYY!!! Yes, I was inspired by Zoë Sugg's recently published book, Girl Online (available in all good book stores and Amazon (:). Zoë and Penny (the main character in the book) have made me a lot more comfortable with my anxiety because now I know I'm not alone. I'm just going to lay it all out simply for you people. I am a teenager, I am english, I suffer from light depression and panic attacks, quite a lot of my friends are depressed and self harm in several ways, I go to counselling every week (but I miss history, yay!), I go to a wonderful school that my family can't pay for, so I'm on a 100% bursary, my parents are divorced and my family has to sell my childhood home. So yeah. That's my life in a nutshell (with a few bits taken out, I've got to leave some suspense in here). Just a warning, I will either be very emotional or very comedic in these posts, so don't be worried if I'm very sad one week and then talking about balloons the next. I'm quite odd, in case you hadn't already noticed. If you're still reading at this point, and have managed to understand everything, then I CONGRATULATE YOU!!! Uh, yeah, so, um, yeah. Byyyyeeeee. Oh my goodness, I used a lot of brackets in this...